


I Don't Want to Take My Pills

by ImpalaGirl42



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Depression, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Mental Health Issues, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2019-05-19 00:02:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14862851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImpalaGirl42/pseuds/ImpalaGirl42
Summary: You met the boys while manic and off medication, and start a relationship with Dean. After a year your mood swings into severe depression. What happens to your relationship with Dean? What happens when you try to hurt yourself?





	I Don't Want to Take My Pills

**Author's Note:**

> Bipolar disorder and mental illness is a very serious condition affecting millions of people. 
> 
> If you feel like hurting yourself remember that there is always help for you. Before you do anything, take a moment to Google for a suicide hotline and talk to someone. I've been there, and I promise you that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. 
> 
> Depression lies to you. It always lies. It never tells you the truth. Never. 
> 
> We care about you.

The bed dipped as you felt your boyfriend sit next to you. Not wanting to face him, you rolled over and pulled the down comforter over your head. 

Not deterred by your silence or your rejection, he pulled the blanket down, and placed a warm hand on your head.

“Sweetheart, you need to take your pills. You know you go into withdrawal if you don’t.”

“No, Dean. I am tired of taking those pills every damn day. They don’t do any good anyway.”

He curled up behind you, pressing his body up next to you and wrapping an arm around your waist. Dean gently kissed the back of your head and tried to coax you to take your medicine. 

“That’s the depression talking, darling. You know the doctor said it’ll take a few weeks to start helping. Come on babe, just take the pills. I brought you some orange juice to wash them down with.” 

You felt a tear escape from your eye, and you brushed it away before Dean could notice.

* * *

You’d been diagnosed with bipolar disorder as a teenager, but managed to keep it under control for years with a couple of medications. 

Before you met the Winchesters though, you went off those medications. Your mood swings weren’t that bad, you thought. When you met Sam and Dean during a hunt, you were in the middle of a manic episode. They were swept up into your wild and exuberant life before they knew it. 

You slept with Dean that very first day, and the next, and the next. Before long you’d managed to do something no woman except Lisa had ever done: capture his heart. He fell for you, and he fell for you hard and fast. 

Being manic is a lot of fun, which is why you didn’t notice your mood swing. You laughed a lot, hustled pool, told wild stories, and hunted with an almost reckless abandon. So what if you couldn’t focus on research for more than fifteen minutes before dragging Dean off to bed for an afternoon of wild and crazy sex? That’s what Sam was for, right?

So what if you maxed out every credit you had in a few weeks? They were all fake anyway. 

So what if you slept around, until you met Dean? You were having fun, and you kept yourself clean and protected. You may have had unprotected sex with Dean a few times when the passion got to be too much, but nothing ever came of it, so what was the big deal?

Then, a year after you met the boys and moved into the bunker with them, your mood swung again. This time everyone noticed. Oh, no one noticed at first. You’d just gotten back from a really rough hunt. 

Vampires. A huge nest. You had been pretty roughed up in the process. A sprained ankle, two broken ribs. Several gashes that required stitches. No wonder you were sleeping all day, and barely wanted to eat. 

A couple weeks later when the stitches were removed and your ankle was better though, you were still lying in bed all day. You stopped having sex with Dean as often. You still weren’t eating much, and several times Dean caught you crying. When he would ask you why, your answer was always “I don’t know.”

Finally, when he caught you naked in the bathroom with a razor blade and a bathtub full of hot water, he figured out what was going on. He rushed you to a hospital, where they admitted you for a week, rediagnosed you with moderate bipolar disorder I, and put you back on medication. 

After being admitted to the hospital all you could think of was, “Dean is going to leave me now.” You were shocked the first day when they told you that you had visitors. Walking into the cafeteria you saw your beautiful boyfriend sitting there. You flew into his arm and started crying, saying “I thought you left me.”

He assured you that he was never going to leave you. He came to visit you every day you were there. Sam didn’t come, but he always called at least once a day, he said he didn’t come so you could spend all your visiting time with Dean. You felt a tremendous surge of love for the Sasquatch when he told you that, he really was such a great friend. 

You and Dean had a couple sessions of couples therapy with your in-hospital therapist, in which Dean told you how he felt when he found you, and he promised that he would take care of you for the rest of his life. He even offered to propose right there, but your therapist said that right now was not the time to make such an important decision. In exchange you promised to be more open with your feelings and to tell him if you ever felt like hurting yourself again. 

Now that you were home, you still felt empty and sad. You didn’t feel anything most days, although the urge to kill yourself had disappeared. You missed feeling anything, even the pain of depression.

* * *

Sighing, you nodded your head and sat up in bed. Dean gave you a hug before letting go of your waist. He leaned over to the nightstand beside the bed to pick up the glass of orange juice and the container of pills. 

You gave him a weak smile and a kiss before holding your hands out for the pills. 

“Do you feel like eating breakfast this morning? Sammy wants to out to that diner on Main Street and get waffles. Let that sink in, Sammy – the health nut – wants waffles. Probably whole-grain, cardboard, no-sugar, flavorless waffles, with no syrup, but still – waffles!”

You laughed for the first time in weeks at your boyfriend’s exuberance. You loved how excited he got over food and how much he teased Sam over his choice of healthy food. Maybe the pills were helping. 

Dean noticed your laugh, and his eyes grew brighter. He reached out and stroked your cheek with his fingers, “There’s my beautiful girl. I’ve missed your laugh.” 

“I’ve missed it too.”

You gave him a genuine smile, and threw the covers back. Standing up, you stretched your arms over your head, your t-shirt showing off a little bit of your stomach and back. Dean saw your skin and lounged back into the pillows.

“On second thought, maybe Sammy can wait. You are more delicious than waffles any day, babe. What do you say?” 

In response you pulled your t-shirt off over your head exposing your breasts to the cool bunker air, and seductively crawled back into bed next to Dean. 

“I think you’re a genius. Sex first, then waffles.”

Dean pressed you back into the pillows as he kissed you hungrily. You felt something. Arousal started to course through your body. You kissed Dean back just as hungrily as he kissed you. 

Yep, the pills were starting to work.

Thank God for modern medicine.


End file.
